081202A's Pics

Thứ Sáu, 11 tháng 12, 2009

modern &trandition

Modern &trandition

Miss Linh is my aunt but she has the same age with me so, in steaded of call her by aunt, I call her as my friend. We grew up together, we study at the same school, we play together…however, we are different from lifestyle, and I mean the way she lives which includes social relations, computation, dress, entertainment.

She is a model of modern life, I am not. She likes to be going out so she knows nearly all of places in my hometown, she has a lot of friends, and she likes to talk to people, too. Different from her, I only feel comfortable when I am at my home, I don’t have as many friends as her, I like peacefulness .so, if you want to find a tour guide, I will introduce you to miss Linh ,if you want to find a person who can keep your secrets, I am your best choice. Miss Linh is good at earning money and spending money, too. But she doesn’t spend money for herself. She usually buys foods, fruits or something for her family or her friends…while I am not good at earning money and spending money, too. I only give money to my mother to keep for me or buy some books…The last thing I want to mention is she has a good knowledge about fashion. She knows how to be well-dress. She always knows how to combine these clothes and which one is the most fashionable to wear. On the contrary to her, I only know t-shirt and trousers, I have just wear jeans lately.

Although we have a lot of differences, at least we have the same way to relax. We both like music, film and take a short trip by my row boat. We like to turn on the music loudly to everyone can hear. We hate the person who turns the music softly because they are selfish when they don’t want to share music to people. We like watching film. We like comedy and action film, don’t like romantic films because we watch film to relax, not to be sad. The thing we like to do together best is taking a short trip by my row boat when we want to away from the noise. Our boat moves slowly by the power of the current of water. There are only us, the nipa trees, a kind of tree lives along the rivers in my hometown, are shacked by the wind, the cool wind, the soft sunshine…the completely quiet atmosphere .

Two of us, two nearly different lifestyles, and one are the model of the modern life, another is model of the traditional life but we have an exciting friendship. Her modern lifestyle helps my life is not too boring, my traditional lifestyle helps her life is not so modern that people feel uncomfortable about her lifestyle.

2 nhận xét:

  1. ideas: A
    itroductory: A
    thesis stament: A
    development: A
    i think " She is a model of modern life" is good. but its Supporting ideas is not unity " She likes to be going out so she knows nearly all of places in my hometown, she has a lot of friends, and she likes to talk to people, too."
    and this sentence is too long:"Two of us, two nearly different lifestyles, and one are the model of the modern life, another is model of the traditional life but we have an exciting friendship" why don't you devide it smaller

    Trả lờiXóa
  2. INTRODUCTION (1.5ms)
    - Background, hook 1
    - Thesis statement 0.5
    BODY (5ms)
    - Good ideas 2
    - Coherence, unity, development 2
    - Language: Grammar, vocabulary (1)
    CONCLUSION (2ms)
    - Summarize (1)
    - Lesson, suggestions (1)
    Total: 8.5

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